Team Engagement Journey > Team Engagement Toolbox > Resolving Conflict

Resolving CONFLICT

A TEAM TOOL: COMPETENCE & PERFORMANCE

Unresolved conflict can cripple a team, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and surprising solutions. Use this tool to help you team resolve their conflict in a healthy manner that produces positive outcomes.

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Purpose

This tool provides teams with principles and practical steps to address and resolve conflict.

Typical scenarios

  • There is unresolved conflict in the team
  • Team members are avoiding conflict

Why this is important

A team with unresolved conflict wastes a lot of emotional energy, and the team can be crippled if relationships are damaged in the process. It is uncommon for teams to include team principles and approaches during the conflict, but that is a vital part of keeping the focus on the conflict instead of the individuals.

This tool provides a systematic way for teams to address conflict and manage it in a positive way.

The process

The process for resolving conflict

Before starting a conflict resolution conversation, ensure that all team members understand the four key principles.

Whether it’s a structured meeting with the whole team or a short conversation between two team members, these principles should remain top-of-mind throughout the process.

Wherever possible, avoid starting a conflict resolution process when emotions (especially anger) are running high. The chances of healthy conflict are much lower if the conversations are heated and people are responding from their pain and feelings of being wronged, instead of a calm willingness to resolve the conflict. Give the main parties involved in the conflict time to cool down before getting started.

If the conflict is complex or is around a particularly sticky topic, plan enough time to complete the process. It will take time for all parties to listen properly, and the facilitator might need additional time to manage flaring emotions and find solutions that satisfy all parties.

Even if it is a one-on-one with another team member, make sure you plan enough time to follow the process properly.It might seem obvious but it bears repeating; the best time is not never. There is a place for postponing conflict resolution (for example, in the middle of a high-pressure sprint, if the conflict isn’t significantly disrupting productivity), but it must be dealt with with at some point.

It is important to identify which conflict management approach is most effective for the specific situation you are dealing with. The nature of the conflict, the number of team members involved, the intensity of emotions and many other factors should play a role in determining your approach.

Also, keep in mind that each member of the team has a preferred style of handling conflict. It is valuable for everyone in the team to be aware of their preferred conflict management style because certain situations will require them to act outside of their preferred style. 

The 5 conflict styles are:

  • compromising,
  • accommodating,
  • collaborating, 
  • competing and 
  • avoiding. 

Download the pdf linked below for a more detailed explanation of each of these conflict styles and when to use which style. Teams that can engage in productive conflict, through continually developing their skills of when to use which conflict management style, will become more unified in their relationships and will be more likely to reach positive outcomes more often.

While a win-lose situation is inevitable sometimes, both parties should always be aiming for a win-win outcome, where both parties feel like they got what they wanted out of the conflict and that the best solution was agreed upon. 

Even though conflict typically involves opposing ideas, the parties don’t have to be opposed to each other. Conflict resolution can be an excellent tool for building trust and respect while reaching favourable outcomes, but only when the process is handed in a healthy manner.

Conflict is data. You can learn a massive amount about yourself, your colleagues and the process or projects you are working on by analysing why and how conflict happens in your team. 

To learn and grow from conflict, two important things need to be in place:

  1. You need to listen well and be receptive to the fact that you might be wrong
  2. You need to ask yourself lots of questions

If you are listening to answer or defend yourself, you’ll never hear what the other person is trying to say, and you won’t be able to ask the kinds of questions that lead to valuable lessons. For example, if a team member blew up in your face about a project and now you’re sitting across the table from them, taking the time to figure out what was behind their outburst might reveal that they never feel heard, or are struggling with serious challenges at home, or don’t feel equipped to handle a certain aspect of the project, and so on.

The same is true of yourself. Ask yourself questions — and don’t just accept the first answer — that help you identify root beliefs, fears and frustrations that might not be immediately apparent to you. A few good questions for this are:

  • What happened in my body when the conflict happened? Are there any other circumstances where I feel the same way?
  • What thoughts were most prominent during the conflict?
  • What do I believe about the person or circumstance that drove those thoughts?
  • Why does this situation or person bother me so much?
  • If I saw someone else reacting the way I did to this, what would I say to them?

Learning and growing from conflict happens when you are willing to listen, engage with and challenge your beliefs about people (including yourself).

Once those four principles are clear, it’s time to engage in the conflict resolution process. Remember, the purpose of this process is to find the best outcome for all parties involved.

If you are one of those parties, keep in mind that you are only one side of the conversation.

If you are the facilitator, your job is to help the parties following the process and ensure the space is healthy. A few guidelines for creating a healthy space in conflict resolution:

  1. Establish the groundrules and boundaries. These might be the guidelines here, or you might have others such as all phones are off, or no using the words always or never. Whatever those rules, make sure everyone understands them and enforce them constantly.
  2. Strictly and aggressively shut down prejudicial or abusive speech. Not only does this kind of behaviour drastically reduce the likelihood of a resolution, it is also typically in contravention of company policy and could result in punitive action.
  3. Facilitate the dialogue. Use open-ended questions, validate emotions, summarise statements and help all parties stay on track and focused on the issue at hand.
  4. Guide the conversation towards mutually beneficial outcomes. The parties in the conversation are probably focused on getting the best outcome for themselves. You should keep your eyes open for any alternative opportunities or solutions that serve both parties or the intended outcome.

Keep people and problems separate. Recognize that in many cases the other person is not just “being difficult” – real and valid differences lie behind conflicting positions. By separating the problem from the person, real issues can be debated without damaging working relationships.

As far as possible, make sure that you treat the other calmly and that you try to build mutual respect. Do your best to be courteous to one another and remain constructive under pressure.

The conversation can get very messy and confusing if various issues are bundled into one remark. Pull all the issues apart, and list all the various issues at stake. Identify the main issue at hand, and discuss that issue first. Work through all the issues one at a time.

If there isn’t time to deal with everything in one session, schedule another one to resolve outstanding issues if they are volatile enough that the individuals can’t continue the conversation on their own.

Your highest priority when engaging in a conflict conversation should be making sure you understand what the other person wants you to know:

  • Pay attention to the interests that are being presented. By listening carefully you will most likely understand why the person is adopting their position. 
  • Place a higher priority on understanding the other person before trying to make your point understood. 
  • Listen to the feelings of the person. This assures the other person feels heard and understood. 
  • Set out the facts, agree and establish the objective and observable elements that will have an impact on the decision. 

Summarise and echo what is said. Each party should summarise what they are hearing the other person is saying by completing the sentence:
“What I am hearing you say is… Is that correct?”

Explore options together. Be open to the idea that a third alternative may exist and that you can get to this idea collaboratively. Ask other team members for assistance if you struggle to find a solution. Shake hands before walking away. Ensure that there are no hard feelings between each other. Thank the other person for engaging in constructive conflict.

Resolving Conflict Sample Spreadsheet

Conflict Resolution

PRINCIPLES & STEPS GUIDES YOUR NOTES
REMEMBER THE KEY PRINCIPLES Stop and breathe
Find the best approach
Aim for a win-win
Learn and grow
1. Tackle the issue, not the person State: “We are not here to sort out each other but to solve the disagreement for the benefit of both and for the benefit of the team”
A says: I see the issue as……………………..
B says: I see the issue as……………………..
2. Number the issues Unpack the conflict, list and prioritise all the issues raised
Issue 1 ……………………..
Issue 2 ……………………..
Issue 3 ……………………..
3. Listen first to understand what each party wants A says: What I am hearing you say is ……………………..
B says: What I am hearing you say is ……………………..
4. Collaborate to find the best solution together List the solutions and choose the best one together. If you can't agree, look for a compromised solution. If you still can't agree, ask a team member to help.
Possible solution A ……………………..
Possible solution B ……………………..
Possible solution C ……………………..

Download resources

DOWNLOAD THE PDF
DOWNLOAD THE SPREADSHEET